I recently became a grandfather for the first time which has
made me think more again about what is involved in helping children to grow up
to be healthy and well-adjusted. Watching my son and daughter-in-law with the
baby with grandparents chipping in is a great reminder for me how time
consuming it is to do all of the things necessary to care for a newborn.
She clearly has physical needs – being fed, changed,
clothed, warm, etc. But she also needs people to hold her, talk to her, and love
her. I do not think the importance of those emotional needs can be
over-emphasized.I am not a child psychologist but I think it is pretty clear that children who miss that connection when young often have holes in their emotional development which are difficult or impossible to go back and fill later. My guess would be that folks who foster or adopt children whose early childhood experiences were difficult would concur.
There is something that happens in the first years of life that is integral to a child’s development. Children who are abused, neglected, separated from their family, or have unstable home situations have an additional layer (or layers) of obstacles to developing normally.
Sometimes they can overcome these disadvantages but it is difficult. It’s like a race in which different children get to start at different places. The children who miss out on those early childhood experiences start somewhere behind the rest of the group, sometimes way behind. Maybe a few who are naturally very fast and/or have an exceptional coach can catch up. But all else being equal, they likely never will completely.
So hug your children, talk to them, read to them, crawl around on the floor with them. Make sure they know they have a safe, secure place at home. And if you struggle to do that, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Raising children is hard and there is no shame in admitting that. Everyone who has ever been through it will understand.
